Wishes on a dying star
by Deadly Whirlpool
Summary: During the war, Lily realises James has changed and tries her best to stick to her decision but James isn't making it easy for her.


**Wishes on a dying star**

AFTER OWLS IN 5th YEAR:

"Leave him alone!" shrieked Lily Evans, her green eyes flashing dangerously, going to the defence of her childhood friend, Severus Snape. "What has he ever done to you?"

"Well, it is simply due to the fact he exists, you see," replied James Potter, ruffling up his hair with an arrogant smirk. His reply drew laughs from the crowd of eager students around them. His best mate, Sirius Black, was cheering him on; Peter Pettigrew was practically drooling, while Remus Lupin, the only level-headed guy of the group appeared resigned.

His reply didn't go well with the enraged red-head. She drew her wand.

"Ah, don't make me hex you, Evans," said James, jauntily.

"I'd like to see you try," she snarled, slipping effectively into a dueling stance.

James turned his wand upon her but hesitated. He turned to his friends for guidance. Sirius nodded encouragingly, while Remus shook his head as a warning.

James looked back at the girl who had captured his attention since the first year. Coming to a decision, he lowered his wand.

"Alright, I give up." So saying, he released Severus Snape from the Body Bind curse.

Lily looked surprised but her look of surprise turned to disbelief and then to frigid indifference when Severus Snape, in his shame, uttered the words which would haunt him throughout his life, "I do not seek help from mudbloods like her."

"Fine, I won't bother next time, then," said Lily coolly, turning away and pocketing her wand. "But I suggest that you wash your pants, _Snivellus._"

She turned and walked away, turning a blind eye when James resumed his bullying with vehemence. She didn't know, but he had seen the shimmer of tears in her eyes. 

SOMETIME IN 6TH YEAR: 

It was Charms and Flitwick had just informed them of the Dueling Club. He was currently announcing the partners. After squeaking out most of the pairs, he said, "James Potter and Lily Evans."

Lily took a deep breath to compose her inner turmoil and went to stand beside him, rigidly. As she approached the Marauders, she heard Sirius Black whispering, "Tough luck, mate," to James.

She sneaked a look at him. He had his jaw clenched. Observing the Quidditch Captain at close quarters, something which she had not done so before, she was astonished to find that he was not a scrawny boy anymore. All the Quidditch practice had made him fill out and become quite tall. After all, he occupied the position of the 2nd hottest guy in Hogwarts, right after his best friend Sirius Black. He was also known for his playboy reputation of having a different girlfriend every two weeks. Lily wondered if he had finally given up on her. If so, she was glad, she told herself. But then why did she feel that terrible ache within her whenever she pictured him with another girl?

Her musings were interrupted when Flitwick said, "Partners come forward…and begin!"

During the duel, Lily went out with 'all the guns blazing', so to speak, while James used an occasional Jelly Legs jinx, or a Stunner combined with a Shield Charm. As a result, the professor instructed James to practice with Lily. His expressionless face unnerved her more than she cared to admit.

That evening, both of them met at the Charms classroom, as per Flitwick's order.

Lily regarded the tense teen in front of her.

"I happen to know that you are very adept at dueling. So what happened today?"

James did not reply. He just shrugged and looked out the window.

She shot a '_Petrificus totalus'_ at him, which he dodged with amazing reflex. She kept on firing while walking forward without seeming to realize it. He continued to dodge the spells. When she was very close that she could look into his clear brown eyes, she hissed, "Imagine me to be an enemy and fight back!"

James leaned in so close that their lips were nearly touching. She froze. Her heart was racing yet her feet seemed to be stuck to the ground. His breath which smelled of cherry and mint fanned her face. Her eyes fluttered close involuntarily. His voice came out in a husky whisper, "Not you, Lily, _never you._"

He whirled around and left the room, leaving Lily to ask to the empty classroom, "Why _James_?"

DURING THE 7TH YEAR:

Lily was so very confused. She was the Head Girl and James Potter was the Head Boy. At first she thought of it as a cruel joke played by the Headmaster. Then she realized that it was a cruel joke played by _fate._

Being with him in the Head's quarters made her feel things that she never knew she was capable of feeling. Whenever she saw him, her heart skipped a beat and if looked tired or worn out, she was overwhelmed with a feeling of concern and something else that she could not define.

That day, she caught herself thinking of the messy haired Head Boy again. She closed her _Hogwarts: a History_ book and sighed. She seriously needed a break. It was evening and the sun had not yet set. She left the castle and walked to her favorite spot near the lake. There to her surprise, she saw a magnificent golden stag lying exactly where she had wanted to sit. It raised its head when it heard her approach, but did not move. It watched her intently with liquid brown eyes as she slowly came forward and sat next to it. Realizing that she posed no threat, it relaxed and closed its eyes as she ran her fingers softly through its golden coat.

After a few minutes, Lily's thoughts again wandered to _him._ Her woeful sigh reverberated in the air. The stag looked questioningly at her. Before she knew it, she was pouring her mind out to her intent listener.

"It's kind of odd, you know how people change and life becomes more complicated. I just don't know when I am going to just _snap_. Every second of my life, I am worried about my parents since they are muggles. What if I am not there when they need me? What if I fail them? On top of it, the stress of obtaining N.E.W.T.S! For the love of all that is alive, I cannot take this anymore," she burst out, startling the stag.

She didn't notice it or she ignored it.

"And I can't believe I am being affected by James Potter of all people. What is wrong with me? Sure, he was an arrogant git –" the stag's ears twitched. "-but did I hate him? No, of course not. I was merely irritated because he brought me into limelight when that was the last thing I wanted. But now…" her voice trailed off. She had a dazed look on her face. "It appears as though he has actually matured and his head has deflated quite a bit."

She gazed out across the lake, deep in thought.

"I don't know why I feel all those foreign emotion all of a sudden. Hey!" she suddenly grabbed the stag's fur, startling it. "I think I am going mad!" The stag appeared disbelieving. "What? Well, how would you explain the warm feeling I get whenever I am in the same room as he? Or the insanely protective instinct whenever he is threatened? Why, only last week I hexed Lucius Malfoy because he was badmouthing James and the others."

She continued to mutter not paying any attention to the stag.

"Thank God he isn't having anymore girlfriends because I seriously doubt if I could prevent myself from blasting them. Ugh!"

She gasped all of a sudden. "No, no, no, no…I can't _possibly_ fancy James freaking Potter." The stag's eyes lit up.

For a few minutes, pure happiness shone through Lily's face but then as suddenly as it appeared, it faded away.

"But he can't know of it," she whispered. "I am a target in this bloody war since I am a _mudblood._ I am not putting him in danger because of me. He has a chance to escape this due to his pureblood status though I have no doubt that he will fight against the Death Eaters. But he is not getting hurt because of me. I am so sorry, James."

She closed her eyes, a few tears seeping through her closed eye lids, her fingers clenching the stag's fur. She then seemed to realize that she was probably hurting the poor animal and removed her hand.

"I am so sorry, O stag. Thanks for listening. All I now need to do is avoid James like the plague."

She patted its silky head and disappeared into the growing darkness towards the castle. She was in a hurry and hence she did not see the silhouette of a man watching her from the place where the stag was.

THAT WEEKEND, AT NIGHT, IN THE HEADS DORM:

Lily was up late in the night completing her Transfiguration essay. The weather was particularly stormy as though sensing her inner turmoil. She had managed to evade James though sometimes she caught him looking at her in a manner which shot flames through her. She doubted whether she will last if he continued to look at her like _that. _But she knew that her wishes of being with James cannot come true because it was made not on a shooting star but on a dying one. How poetic! She was becoming more miserable those days.

Rain lashed the windows setting a soothing rhythm. She became accustomed to it that when the portrait door opened, she jumped a foot in air. In trudged a fully drenched James Potter, looking like a half drowned cat. He did not appear to have noticed her and dropped into the couch. Immediately, he started to sneeze violently.

In an instant, Lily had summoned a blanket and a vial of Pepper Up potion that she had for emergencies. Waving her wand over the Head Boy, she dried his clothes with a blast of hot air and covered him with the blanket. She then proceeded to force the nasty potion down his throat. He sputtered and coughed but swallowed it. When she realized that he was fine, she turned to leave almost against her will. But she stopped when a hand caught her wrist. She froze and slowly turned to meet his suddenly intense eyes.

_He had eyes that a girl could drown in_, she thought.

"What gives you the right to act as a bloody victim?" he asked, his question confusing her.

"What?" she asked, bewildered.

He stood up and towered over her. He lightly shook her by the shoulders.

"Why would you make yourself unhappy just to see me safe? Do you really think that by not acknowledging your feelings for me, you can keep me safe?"

She gaped at him but did not reply. He growled, "Tell me."

"I don't know what you are talking about," she said coldly.

"Don't you, Lily?" he said softly. She averted her eyes and gathered her books. She tried to move towards her room but the way was blocked by James.

"Get out of the way, Potter," she ordered, shakily.

"You did not answer my question," he pointed out. She clenched her jaw.

"You have to tell me, Lily."

"I don't _have _to do anything," she seethed and pushed by him.

"Don't you think I should have a say in my life? Why are you so intent on inflicting hurt on both of us?" His voice had an undercurrent of pain.

She stopped cold. Despite her best intentions she had caused him pain.

"Why, Lily?" His voice wrapped around her name like a caress, sending a shiver down her spine.

She knew then that he really knew everything. How he was aware of it, she could not fathom. But she understood that hiding from him will not do her any good.

Before she knew it he had taken the books from her, dropped it somewhere, and drew her into the circle of his arms. She did not fight him; instead she hid her face in the crook of his neck.

"You already know the reason, James," she said, defeated.

He cupped her chin with his hand and lifted her head so that she could meet his eyes.

She let out a shuddering sigh. "Because you are worth it."

"Ah Lily," he groaned and hugged her close. The kiss that followed was overflowing with an indescribable emotion. _Love,_ she realized. It was filled with love. It hit her like a ton of bricks. She did not just fancy him. She loved James Potter.

When they surfaced, she looked up at him and decided to take a leap of faith. "I love you, James Potter," she said simply.

For a moment he gawked at her. Then an angelic smile came over his face.

"I love you, Lily Evans. Always have and always will. You have no idea how long I have waited for you to say that."

Lily smiled. Then her forehead crinkled as a thought hit her.

"How did you know?"

James shuffled his feet, clearly not expecting this. She narrowed her eyes at him. He sighed.

"I trust you, Lily, with _everything_." So saying, he took a step back.

"James, what –"

He changed to his animagus form. She was shocked to know that she had actually confessed her feelings to James himself. The stag came forward and nuzzled her hand. She laughed. James turned back and Lily dragged his head down to give him a thorough kiss.

"Let me guess, you changed into an animagus to help Lupin with his transformation?"

"How did you know?" he asked, surprised.

She snickered at his look. "Come on, Mr. Potter; give me a bit of credit will you? I am the smartest witch in our batch after all."

James just shook his head at her, smiling.

They snuggled together on the couch in front of the blazing fire.

"You know, there was something that puzzled me a lot. Only now did I understand it," Lily said, looking up at the man she loved.

James raised an eyebrow.

"_Expecto patronum_!" Out of her wand jumped a breathtaking silver doe which cantered around the room. A silver stag soon joined it, produced by James.

Lily and James smiled on seeing their patroni nuzzling each other.

A gentle kiss was shared, so sweet like a whisper that Lily almost cried.

"Forever," breathed James, holding her close to his heart.

"Always," vowed Lily, reveling in the feel of their love.

There were dark days ahead. But they will face them. Together. Along with their friends.


End file.
